Maybe I'm accepting the change that has been bestowed upon my life?
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything is made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
There's something about that song. It's raw and it just shows how people are.
Line by line on how this is affiliated with my life. I'm no going to affiliate love wise though cause frankly I think love is overrated at the moment.
1) I wonder if people know how I really am. Do they honestly think that I am just a girl who doesn't take anything seriously? That's who I used to be. Granted, I miss moments like that but not to the point were I would like to return to that lifestyle.
So, what do people think of me? Sometimes I feel like I have to hide who I am because I am afraid of how people would judge me.
I love analyzing myself because I change so much. I live comfortably in the changes I undergo but fail when it comes to change in my surroundings. Maybe it's because I can sit down and think about it because I know the wheels within wheels when it comes to myself. Sometimes things aren't shared when it comes to others besides oneself. You know the story behind the scenes whereas you rely on oral history when it not you.
Maybe that's why I find such amusement in my mind.
If I could have any super power, it would be to read minds because then I could know the fire within the fire. I could see who people truly are by the way that they think. Sure, it would take the mystery out of life and it would be a total invasion of privacy but there would be more mystery that comes with it because people change and along with that so do their thoughts. Peoples' thought process change and I would find it fun to see that transition. All in all, I would want to read minds because I want to see people. Also, I am terribly gullible so that would be quite an advantage.
I digress.
I don't want people to see me because I'm terrified of what they would think of me. I think I can handle the insults and whatnot that come with what they think but on some days I even have a breaking point. Hell, I have a breaking point period. Maybe I'm just scared of what would happen when I reach that level? What would happen to me? What would happen to my sanity? Sometimes I hide because I don't want to hurt people even if it means that I have to hurt even more. I think that people have worse problems than I do or that they would be losing precious time listening to my petty problems. Simple as that. 'Friend' after 'friend' have told me that they are busy doing something when I need them. I think at some point it has discouraged me to ask for a shoulder to the point were I don't even bother to call up someone just to talk. Does it every make you feel guilty that when you have a problem but when you turn to a person to find comfort in that it turns out that they may have worse problems than you? It happens to me quite a lot and then I think that they need a shoulder to cry on more than I do.
It sounds difficult when I try to explain it.
Another way of 'making someone feel better' is by making their problems seem insignificant. I don't think insignificant is the right word... it's more like, making their problems seem not so bad by telling them about a problem someone has gone through that is similar or just as bad. Frankly, it doesn't make me feel better; it just makes me think the world is shittier than it already is. Don't try to alleviate an emo person's problem by adding another emo element to it--it's just going to make them even more emo.
2) I think I covered the second line with the first line ^.
Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I feel like I have.
3) Would the world be a better place if no one lied, cheated, or stole? Yes, that would be a utopia but also a dream. I don't believe that there would world peace and that we would all be prancing and skipping in a meadow on a Pangaea-esque world. But wouldn't that be lovely for travel if Pangaea existed once more? It surely would make travel a hell of a lot easier. How much of the world would be occupied by water? Would there be rivers that serve as borders on Pangaea? I digress again.
The world will always be broken. I'm sorry but the prospects are world peace or world unity are as far-fetched as Clay Aiken turning out to be straight. The world will always be broken. I just believe that the people in your life can help make the world seem a little brighter. I believe that having realistic dreams and goals mend things to make life seem possible but only enough to motivate us to keep going.
Maybe being yourself is the solution-- a very unrealistic solution.
Being yourself to those who matter make the world seem less broken.
4) I just want you to know who I am.
Being yourself to those who matter make the world seem less broken.
Well that was quite successful. Although, I didn't really say how it affiliated with my life rather, I gave my thoughts on it.
Oh well.
If I were a superhero I would have mind reading powers. My sidekick would be a Superman-esque character. We'd balance each other out because I would be the mental part of the team and my sidekick would be the physical aspect of us.
We'd also have a ferret that could do backflips.
Or a hamster if ferrets are not possible.
You know how you do those surveys on facebook or myspace or even blogspot?
At some point--if you are an avid survey taker like I am--you may have come across one of those questions that ask 'Spontaneous or Romantic?'
I usually answered with 'spontaneously romantic' just because it would be the best of both worlds and we'd all win. Well, that and because it's a loophole.
I realized that I don't want a 'spontaneous romantic' although that would be rather perfect.
I could settle for second best: Spontaneous.
Why?
Because I realize that I get bored easily.
I am bored of this shit town, I am bored of the people I know because they are all the same.
I can't really say that my answer would be the same if I ever move away from here or meet a new scene of people but for now I want spontaneity.
Although a spontaneous romantic would be rather lovely.
Anyways, I get bored.
I want someone who will make my life exciting. Granted, I do like schedule and whatnot but a little surprise never hurt anyone right?
Well, surprises within reason.
I tire of things period.
That would be more fun right? To have spice in your life?
I still prefer spontaneous romantics though.
But if that loophole were not there, I would pick spontaneous.
Je t'aime de tout mon coeur.
What does it feel like to be loved?
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